Already got asked if we're dating
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
