The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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