So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Soap is not a condiment
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All the doctor said was why
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
