Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
