Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
