yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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