just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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