im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
As shirtless as possible
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
