My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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