Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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