Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
please come you make the beer taste better
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
