I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
