I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
