I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
