This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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