he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
