just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
