Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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