I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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