Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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