sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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