Barsexuality is the new black.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
