I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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