What a fucking waste of an outfit
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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