??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
