I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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