the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I want to have your abortion
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
