i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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