It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
