We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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