Who did Billy Mays play for?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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