I heard we made out
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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