i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
