he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
