I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
