im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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