i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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