well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
