I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize