My nipple is on Facebook.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize