i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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