Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
