Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
