idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
