Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're like the curious george of whores
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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