No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
