She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
