So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
