Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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