Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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