All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
