She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
