if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
bring money and cleavage
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
