you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
