She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
