Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize