Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
