eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
