I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
