i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
