I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize