We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
