I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
