Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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