your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
