im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
