It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
