So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
