i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
