she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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