a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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