Umm I'm too high to move.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
