that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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