didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
