If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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