I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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