Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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