Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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