Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
