he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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