dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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