You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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