youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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