In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
