remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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