I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize