There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
