I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
