Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
