Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm always down for nudity.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
