we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
