I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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