I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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