...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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