all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize