next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
