The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
