I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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