The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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