I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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