woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm passing your future prison.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
