i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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