Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
