She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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