I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
