idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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