Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
