so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
