you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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