I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
