Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
