Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
