2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
