We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm both gender and math confused
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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