So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
