the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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