I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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