I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
