I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
