This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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