i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
